The Perfect Blue Rose
by RileysHell
Summary: Maura Isles has a secret tattoo, and Jane desperately wants to find out why Maura has kept it hidden so long. But what was supposed to be harmless teasing uncovers a few secrets they both have been hiding. One-shot.


«Oh, that's just gross!»

Jane turned away while closing her eyes. Her hand went up to cover her sight, it was pure reflex.

"Oh dear… that's not pretty" Korsak agreed.

"Frost, you should probably stay where you are."

Jane looked at her partner, and while her voice was full of concern and genuine sympathy, her eyes surely were mocking the soft detective. Frost had no problem trusting his partner. Just the smell made him gag, and he took a few steps back and avoided eye contact with the victim.

"Holy shit, what could do this kind of damage?" Jane asked and slowly turned her eyes down towards the body lying in front of her.

"Shotguns" Korsak replied.

"They'll blow your head off."

"No kidding…"

Jane rolled her eyes and kneeled down next to body. Half his head was literally blown off. She looked at the medical examiner on the other side of the body.

"Do you have a cause of death for us?" she joked.

Maura looked at her with eyebrows raised.

"I think it's safe to say that this is a no brainer."

Korsak giggled and Jane looked at her friend with pure surprise.

"Dr. Isles, was that a joke?!"

Maura smiled slightly, and Jane laughed.

"Wow… okay…"

She cleared her throat and tried to kick back into work mode. She looked through the victim's pockets, but found nothing to ID him.

"No wallet, no phone. No nothing."

Her eyes searched the body for something to help them along. She stopped at the victim's left arm and turned it over.

"Hey, Korsak, take a look at this."

He stepped around the body and bent down to study the tattoo right below the victim's elbow.

"That's no ordinary tattoo. Could be gang related."

"That's what I thought" Jane agreed.

Maura leaned over the body to get a view of the tattoo. She traced her finger around the edges of a bull's horn.

"Tattoos have been used as identification for centuries. During the Roman Empire, soldiers were forced by the law to have identifying tattoos on their hands, to keep them from deserting. Also the Nazis used this way of identifying the inmates at their concentration camps during World War II."

Jane let out a silent sigh before she looked at Maura.

"Thank you for the history lesson. But I doubt our victim was a Roman soldier or an inmate at Auschwitz."

"No, of course not. Seeing as he is in his 20's it's impossible for him to be a Roman soldier or an inmate at Auschwitz."

Jane rolled her eyes and sighed not so silently this time.

"Oh god, Maura…"

Korsak kept his grin hidden behind his hand as he got up. He looked over at Frost and they shared a smile. This bickering was just too much fun, even after years.

"Well, I am all done" Maura declared and stood up.

"I'll get the body transported back to the morgue."

Jane just nodded and stood up. They both walked away from the body.

"I actually don't understand why people would mark their skin like that voluntarily. I find it very unsettling" Maura remarked.

"Yeah, well, some people consider it art. And whatever they do with their own body is really their choice."

Jane peeled off her gloves as they walked back to their cars. Frost and Korsak were already waiting.

"That is hardly considered art. I would never allow my kids to tattoo themselves."

Jane snickered and looked to her friend walking beside her.

"Well, you will be happy to know that I have no _art_ on my body for you to complain about."

Maura smiled and nodded.

"I am very happy to know that."

"And based on the horror on your face, I assume you definitely have no such thing yourself."

Jane laughed, mostly for herself, but her laugh silenced as the seconds passed and not a word was heard from her side. They both stopped as they reached Frost and Korsak, and Jane turned to Maura. Her whole face beaming with disbelief.

"Maura? Do you?" she asked.

Frost and Korsak both picked up on the excitement in her voice and turned their eyes on the doctor who was awfully quiet. She didn't seem too comfortable and sighed.

"I-I don't feel like answering that right now" she said and rushed towards her car.

Jane turned her head and followed the hasty steps of the doctor until she got in the car. No matter how intriguing she found the situation, she wouldn't want to cause her friend to faint or break out into hives in the middle of a crime scene. She knew how embarrassing Maura felt about that. As she turned back to her partner and Korsak, they instantly knew something was up from the way she was grinning.

"What's going on?" Korsak asked.

Jane laughed and shook her head.

"Oh, this is too good to be true."

"What?" Frost asked.

"Maura was going on about how she couldn't understand why people got tattoos, and that she would never allow her kids to do it. And then it turns out our lovely, high fashion doctor has her own tattoo."

"What?!"

The two men had never been more in sync, and they quickly caught up with Jane's enthusiasm.

"No way! Doc has a tattoo?"

Frost's voice had never been more high pitched, which caused Jane and Korsak to give him slightly disturbed looks. He cleared his throat and smoothed out his tie.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that" Jane laughed.

"But yes, it seemed like she has a tattoo."

The three of them stood there looking at each other, obviously they were all thinking the same.

"But where…?"

Korsak was the one who said it out loud, and the two men looked at Jane. She noticed their looks.

"What? Like I should know that?"

"Well, yeah. You've seen pretty much all of doc…"

Korsak couldn't hold back his giggle as the words slipped out, and Frost pressed his lips together.

"I have not!" Jane nearly shouted.

"What do you think we do, strip naked as soon as we leave work? No, I have never seen her naked, and I have never seen a tattoo. Grow up, guys."

She turned on her heel and quickly walked up to her car. Somehow their teasing always seemed to annoy her.

"Jane, Jane, wait!" Frost called out as they ran after her.

"We're sorry, we are being jerks."

Jane was about to get in the car, but stopped.

"Yes, you are."

They looked at each other and the angry look on her face slowly disappeared. Korsak took this as a good sign.

"But seriously, all jokes aside, we have to find out about this tattoo, right?"

Jane's lips slowly turned into a huge grin.

"Hell yeah!"

On the way back to the station both Jane and Frost were caught up in the secret tattoo. Jane tried to think of a way to persuade her friend to tell her more without having to force her. She really didn't want Maura to pass out in the middle of the morgue.

"Hey, Jane."

Frost slightly tapped her on her arm, and she snapped out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Don't bite my head off now, but where could she be hiding it?"

"I really don't know…" Jane lied.

She had a perfectly good idea, well, two ideas actually, but that was not a picture she needed in her head as she was driving. She had seen Maura in just her underwear, but she really didn't need to tell that to anyone.

"How are we gonna find out?"

"I'm her best friend. She tells me everything."

Jane casually shrugged and smiled.

* * *

Even though she knew perfectly well what would be lying on the table in Maura's morgue, she failed to prepare herself. As soon as she opened the door and saw the victim with just half of his face, she turned away. She took a deep breath before she tried to shake it off.

"Found anything special?"

She grabbed a pair of gloves before joining Maura.

"I found a blue fiber caught on his watch, I sent it to the crime lab. And also a reddish brown stain on his right arm."

"So, blood?"

Maura looked at Jane and did not find the sarcasm amusing.

"It could be."

She turned away and walked over to her computer to enter her findings.

"And since our victim didn't bleed at all, the blood- sorry, reddish brown stain would certainly be from someone else. If the reddish brown stain is in fact blood."

The thick layer of sarcasm didn't even make the doctor turn around.

"Very funny, Jane" she said with her voice completely normal.

Jane smiled for herself and turned around to look at Maura.

"So, black scrubs today? Haven't seen those for a long time."

Maura didn't respond, and all they could hear was the sound of Maura's fingers hammering on the keyboard. Jane smiled and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I fell through the ice when I was 15?"

"Don't bother, Jane. I know what you are trying to do. And yes, you have already told me how you and Frankie defied your mother's warning about the ice being too thin and you still went ice skating."

Maura barely looked at Jane before she peeled off her gloves and left a snap bouncing off the walls. She walked into her office, and Jane sighed.

"Come on, Maura, just tell me! It's the easiest way out of this."

She hurried to the office and walked up to the desk. Maura sat down and opened one of the files that were lying on the desk. Jane knew she did it just to pretend to be working.

"Maura… please tell me."

She softened her voice, hoping she could use her charm.

"No, I don't want to tell you anything."

The hazel eyes fixated on the paper in front of her, and Jane sighed once again.

"But it's what best friends do. They tell each other stuff."

Again, nothing but silence filled the room. Jane pinched the bridge of her nose and scanned her brain for new ideas.

"How about this, you tell me all about this tattoo you have hidden from me all these years, and I'll tell you one of my biggest secrets."

She actually had no idea which secret to tell if Maura actually agreed.

"We are all entitled to our secrets. If you wanted me to know about your secrets, you would've told me without asking for anything in return."

Jane took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. She sometimes fought really hard to be patient and keep her cool with her best friend.

"Seriously, can you turn off your politically correct brain and just be human for a few minutes. Just be my friend, and not the super intelligent doctor that sometimes makes me feel like a moron."

Maura finally looked up.

"Why are you so desperate about this?"

"Because I don't understand why you haven't told me about this before. We tell each other everything. So why are you hiding this? I won't judge you, no matter what."

"You're making a big deal out of this. It's just some ink on my skin."

Maura turned her look back at the papers in her hands. Jane leaned her hands on the desk and smiled.

"If that's the case, why are you making such a big deal out of the fact that you have a tattoo and refuse to show me?"

The expression on Maura's face told Jane that she at least made her point.

"Fine" Maura said and got up so fast from her chair that Jane jumped back.

"You want to me to show you?"

Maura walked over to the door and locked it before she let the blinds down on both the door and window.

"Yes" Jane replied, pleased with her effort.

"Even though you know we'll be crossing a line?"

"Uh… how?"

Maura turned around and faced Jane.

"You have seen me in my underwear, and have you seen a tattoo?"

All of a sudden Jane got nervous.

"Uhm… no…"

Maura was still staring at her, and Jane noticed the hostile tension between them.

"Exactly."

She really was angry, something about this whole tattoo had made Maura angry at Jane, or so she thought. Jane rubbed her face.

"Look, Maura…"

But as she removed her hands and opened her eyes, Maura had already untied her scrub pants and pulled them slightly down.

"Wow, okay…"

Jane quickly looked away.

"You really have to warn a girl before you pull your pants down!"

"Why, you wanted to see?"

Maura's voice was still angry, and Jane knew she had really overlooked something in their discussion. However, she knew the doctor well enough to know that she had to see this through right now. So she slowly looked back at her. Fortunately, the pants weren't pulled far down. Nothing was revealed, except her hip and a part of her left buttocks. And somewhere in the middle, a blue rose. It was small enough for the panties to cover it up, and Jane actually had trouble seeing it from the middle of the room.

"That's it?" she asked as she inched closer.

"Yes."

Jane noticed her hand was about to reach out and touch it, but she quickly stopped the movement and lifted her hand to her face, pretending she was holding back her hair from falling in her face. It really wasn't a smooth move, but at least she hadn't touched her best friend's ass!

"But it's really beautiful. Why keep it a secret?" she asked and straightened herself up.

Maura pulled her pants up and shook her head.

"I don't like it, I regret getting it in the first place."

If Jane felt bad because of the anger from a few seconds ago, she now regretted how she had pushed Maura. It was no longer anger in her voice, but sadness. Jane had no trouble separating the emotions, she could usually tell in the blink of an eye if Maura was sad, angry or happy.

"Maura, I'm sorry, I didn't know you would be upset about this."

"It's okay" Maura mumbled as she sat down on the couch next to her.

"No, it's not. I might be stupid, but I'm not blind. I can see something's wrong."

Jane really couldn't push her friend anymore that day, and she waited for something to be said, or a look that told her to buzz off. But everything was quiet. Maura was staring at the table that separated them, but not a word or a look. Jane finally walked around the table and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry, okay. We don't ever have to talk about this if you don't want to. But I'm here if you need to talk or yell or cry."

She put an arm around Maura's shoulders and hugged her. They sat in silence and all Jane could hear was the distant chatter from the lab. Just as she thought about standing up, Maura broke down and started sobbing. Jane instantly pulled her closer while she cursed silently to herself for causing this mess.

"I'm so, so sorry, I hate to see you cry" she whispered.

"Don't apologize" Maura sobbed.

"It's not you"

The doctor pulled herself together and wiped away the tears streaming down her face.

"It's just that… I hate everything this tattoo reminds me of."

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Jane watched silently while she gently stroked Maura's back. She hated it when people gave her small hints like that. Her instincts immediately wanted to dig further, but she knew she had to watch her steps right now.

"When did you get it?"

"I was 17…"

That was it, that was all she got and Jane felt the questions threatening to leave her lips. But she fought back every instinct and just waited. It was so obvious that this was something Maura had never told anyone, and she knew better than to let her down even more.

"On my birthday my mother was in France, and my father was away on a business trip. They forgot to call me. I was home, here in Boston, but I still felt so lost and alone."

Jane felt her heart break as pure sorrow seeped through the words she was hearing.

"I had spent two years trying to find my biological mother without luck. I found nothing, not a single clue in two years. It slowly broke me, and I didn't even see it. During the few days I spend alone around my birthday, I completely lost it. Memories from my childhood haunted me, and I realized I was never loved the way other kids were. My parents didn't know how to love me, and it took me 17 years before I realized."

New tears started their path from the corner of her eye, and Maura didn't even care. She continued to stare at the table.

"I knew I could never live up to their dream, I would never be the woman my mother wished for. I didn't have any friends, and I always embarrassed them at social events. After a few weeks I completely lost it. I went to a bar I knew wouldn't check my id, and I looked mature for my age and they let me in. I started drinking, just to get away from it all. Then I found myself surrounded by a group of older girls and boys. They somehow took me under their care, they bought me drinks, kept me company and told me to drink it all away, because the next day would come soon enough."

Maura stopped and breathed out. But she never turned her eyes to Jane on her right side.

"I spend every night with them, and I loved the numbness I felt every night. One night they convinced me to get a tattoo. I somehow knew it wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't let them down. They had so much faith in me, even though they were so wrong for me. The only thing I could think of getting tattooed, was a blue rose. My parents still don't know."

Jane felt her brain was flooding with questions, and one question slowly rolled off her tongue.

"Why a blue rose?"

She could've said something else, but it was the only thing she couldn't hold back.

"Roses lack the gene to make the color blue, so blue roses don't exist in nature. Usually, a blue rose is associated with royal blood, but it also signifies hope against unattainable love and longing to attain the impossible. I felt like one, I didn't fit in with everything around me and I always reached for something impossible. I wanted to be the perfect daughter, I wanted to be the best in everything. But I couldn't. I didn't have that gene."

"Oh Maura, no…"

Jane quickly moved herself to the table. She sat down in front of Maura and took her hands in hers.

"You do fit in, you belong here with the rest of us. And you are the perfect daughter, they just don't see it."

She gently wiped away a tear.

"Even though they didn't know how to love you the way you deserved, you have grown into a beautiful, intelligent and caring woman. You do your job better than anyone. You are the best M.E. the world has seen!"

Jane forced Maura to look at her, tears were still flowing.

"And even though we might not show it as often as we should, Frost, Korsak and I worship you. We are so proud that you work with us, and we know we will get every single bad guy out there, because we have you to find all these pieces that we really don't know how to find. And you have a family that loves you. Ma sees you as her own daughter, I know because I can see the way she worries about you. And your brothers love you. Well… maybe Tommy loves you a bit more than he should but…."

Finally, a small giggle escaped the doctor's lips and Jane smiled.

"And don't forget me, I love you more than anyone. And I know for sure that you are the best friend anyone can have. Don't ever doubt that."

She started stroking the hands she was holding, but stopped when Maura started sobbing again.

"No, no, no, don't cry anymore, you're breaking my heart" Jane nearly sobbed herself.

"I can't be, I can't break anyone's heart because someone would have to love me for me to break someone's heart. And I'm unlovable."

Maura stood up and left Jane sitting on the table with her hands stretched out in the air.

"What?" Jane mumbled to herself.

She turned around and found Maura at the other side of the room, facing away from her.

"Maura, what on earth makes you think you are unlovable?"

Jane didn't know what to believe, this whole playful secret had really not turned out the way she thought it would. And she felt guilty. Maura didn't respond, and Jane hesitated a brief moment before she got up and walked up to her.

"You are not unlovable, Maura. You are in fact very easy to love."

She really didn't know how to react, and she wondered what brought out this insecurity.

"You don't get it, Jane" Maura whispered.

"Get what? People don't see you the way you see yourself. Just ask your friends and family, they will all tell you that they loved you from the beginning."

Jane put her hands on Maura's arms, but the doctor walked away at the touch.

"All my life I have pictured myself on my wedding day. I know how my dress would look like, I know what flowers I want and where to get married. I know where to go on my honeymoon, and I know how many kids I want. I will never have any of that."

She finally turned around and faced Jane.

"You don't know that, Maura. You will find the perfect one who will give you all of that. You just have to believe it."

Maura locked her eyes on Jane, and the grief and the misery on her face had Jane fighting her own tears. How could she really think like that? How couldn't she see what everyone else saw, what Jane saw?

"What if I already have met my perfect one?"

It seemed like a simple question, but Jane felt so much going through her heart and mind. It hurt, and she was confused. What had she missed out on? Maura wasn't seeing anyone, was she?

"What? You have? Who?"

Nothing but silence. Jane was restless, and had to know.

"It's not Ian, is it?"

Maura's eyes widened.

"What? God, no!"

Jane held back a slight grin.

"Then you tell him, whoever he is. And if he's your perfect one then he will feel the same way."

Maura looked away and apparently found something interesting on the floor in front of her. Her fingers picked on one of her fingernails, and Jane smiled, knowing she didn't know she was doing it.

"She doesn-"

Jane's head popped up just as Maura stopped.

"He doesn't feel the same way" she quickly corrected herself.

But Jane had clearly heard her the first time. She smiled without knowing, and could feel something deep inside her stomach start to turn.

"She?" she repeated and waited for Maura to meet her eyes.

But nothing happened, Maura kept staring down at the floor with her lips pressed together.

"Maura, look at me."

Her eyes slowly made their way to Jane's dark eyes.

"Are you in love, with a woman?"

She fought hard to make it sound safe and comforting. She tried to make it sound like she was curious if Maura was in love, not if it was with a woman or man. She didn't care.

"I…"

Maura sighed.

"Um… I…"

Nothing came out and she slowly covered her face in her hands and exhaled. Jane quickly closed the gap between them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered and wrapped her arms around Maura, hugging her.

"I didn't know how…"

Jane pulled back and let her hands rest on Maura's shoulders.

"Listen, I don't care who you love, if it's a man or a woman. As long as you are happy. That's all that matters to me, okay?"

Maura nodded slowly before she broke away from Jane once again. She slowly walked towards the couch, but stopped and didn't sit down. Jane turned around and leaned herself against the desk.

"Have you told her?"

She really didn't need to ask, her gut told her she already knew the answer. And as she thought, Maura shook her head.

"Is she with someone?"

Once again, she shook her head.

"Has she told you she… doesn't love you?"

Jane knew exactly what to ask and how to avoid having Maura break out in hives or faint.

"No."

"Then you have to tell her. Otherwise you'll never know."

She resisted the urge of running across the room and just getting it out in the open. She knew. She had wished and hoped for a long time, but now she knew. But she didn't really know how to let Maura know. There was something so fragile about the doctor that made her afraid to do anything.

"I can't."

Maura shook her head once again, and Jane put her hands in her pockets, wondering if she dared pushing it any further.

"Why not?" she asked softly.

"Because I don't want to lose her."

The look in Maura's eyes pretty much broke Jane's heart. It summed up every single fear and doubt she had felt ever since she knew she was in love with her best friend. The thought of losing Maura was too much, and had held her back so many times when she wanted to open her heart. She didn't know how Maura felt, and she couldn't stand the thought of their relationship, their friendship, suffering if she finally told Maura and she didn't feel the same way. If Jane could never be more than a best friend to Maura, then she would gladly accept it and never do anything to jeopardize it. But knowing Maura felt the same fears… It turned everything upside down.

"Maura…"

Jane pulled out her hands from her pockets again while she rushed over to Maura without really rushing. She put her hands on Maura's arms.

"You will never, ever lose me. No matter what. And I meant what I said; no one loves you more than I do."

Maura looked confused and stared at Jane.

"I… I'm not sure if I know exactly what you're saying."

Jane smiled and the words 'dumbest genius I know' came to mind. But it was really not the right time or place for that nickname.

"I'm saying that…"

She stopped herself and took a second to let the moment sink in. It was a rare occasion where she was the one in control of herself and the situation. Maura was upset, obviously a bit confused and fragile. But Jane knew how this conversation would end, and she knew how she wanted to get there. She smiled when she realized she wasn't nervous at all. Without hesitating she closed the distance between them until their lips met. Jane closed her eyes, trying not to smile as she finally satisfied the ache she had felt for so long. Maura barely moved and as Jane slowly pulled back and opened her eyes again, she laughed softly at the look on Maura's face.

"That's what I'm saying" Jane said.

Maura finally smiled and nodded.

"_That_ I understood…"

She sighed and began to relax from the familiar touch of Jane's hands on her arms. Her tears were finally gone.

"So… what now?" she asked and looked up at Jane.

"Well, I want to take you out to dinner. Real dinner, no burgers or pizza. Like a date. A date where I pick you up, book the table and take care of everything. Then we'll hopefully have a nice dinner where we are not allowed to talk about work or anything related to work. After dinner we might take a walk or… I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet. And by the end of the night I'll drive you home. And maybe I'll… kiss you goodnight before I leave."

A bright smile spread across Maura's face. She slipped her arms around Jane's waist and rested her head against her shoulder.

"Then what?" she almost whispered.

"Then I'll call you the next day."

Jane smiled as she put her arms around Maura.

"And I will ask you out again, hoping you'll say yes. A part of me will be wishing for rain, or even a storm so we can light up the fire, settle under a blanket on the couch and watch all the cartoons you missed out on as a child."

Maura took a deep breath and continued to smile.

"Or we can do something completely random" Jane continued.

"Something neither of us has done before. Or we can do whatever you want to. I'll even go to a museum with you and let you go completely google-mouth and I won't complain for a second. Whatever makes you happy. I just want things to be perfect…"

Maura lifted her head and made eye contact with Jane.

"I think you really are my perfect one" she whispered.

Jane lightly shook her head and smiled.

"No… I don't think so. I'm not anywhere near perfect, Maura."

"It doesn't matter if you are perfect or not."

Maura leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on Jane's lips.

"As long as you are perfect for me."


End file.
